I contemplated not writing a blog this week and that can only mean one thing – I’m not doing too good. Those close to me often message me after I write a blog like this having no real idea that I am feeling down and I (of course I do) feel guilty about that too!! I also feel guilty for over sharing on here and I question myself a lot about why I do it. I know most of my friends and family don’t do it, I know lots of people that suffer in complete silence about really serious things and tell almost no-one about it. Writing about yourself can feel very self-centred but I hope that by writing when I’m happy, when I’m sad and when I’m just OK means it’s alright and even perhaps may make it ok for one of you to share something with someone in you life, if you want to.
My blog has been a window to talk about all kinds of things and if I only ever wrote about the positive bits it wouldn’t be right, life is not like that.
So at times this week, I’ve been feeling sad, overstretched, stressed, confused, anxious, tearful. I have been doing quite a lot of self-searching lately, it feels like I’m looking into myself properly for the first time in years. Anyway I am here, I am going to be ok and I have still written my blog x
FYI. You won’t get your time again.
I sent this in a text this week during a deliberation of discussions around our jobs, our happiness, conformity, searching for happiness, financial strains, making do.
I am reading the new book by Ruby Wax – How to be Human… I’m a few chapters in.. I’ve just covered evolution and it is truly mind blowing to be reminded that we evolved from fungus!! That explains a lot about some people 🙂
In it she explains that evolution is full of trade offs. One example being that the giraffe evolved to have a long neck to be able to eat the leaves that nobody else could at the top of the trees, however the trade off is that if they fall over, they can’t get up again.
It made me think about our trade offs, we have evolved into the most amazing intelligent multi faceted beings yet with it we are sometimes wreaking carnage on our minds and in our world. Like the giraffe, we have evolved, we have large brains and complex minds, the trade off perhaps is now we find ourselves in a world of so much choice and distraction we have lost what’s important by searching for more. We have traded away a simple life for one of debt, overworking and diversions.
It got me thinking, what are we all searching for? What is it that would stop us to keep looking for something else. I stopped and sat in the park and thought if I had a choice right now to do anything, what would I want to do?
I know immediately what it is. It’s to sit wrapped up on a North Wales beach in the Autumn, listening to the sea and watching the waves crash, putting my fingers through the sand, picking up shells, watching my dogs with the breeze lightly sweeping over my face, holding hands.
It has taken me this many years to realise what is really important and what I really want in life. What makes me happy in life and what I really need are free. To everyone. Love, friendships, stars, the sea, meaningful conversations, flowers, fields, seashells, walks, rivers, wildlife, trees, smiles, kindness, respect, honesty. All free.
This brings me back to the title of my blog. It was in response to a message I received that started with… if I had my time again.. . to which I said….
FYI. You are never going to have this time again.
So…. this is my time. This is your time.
Eat the juicy leaves at the top of the tree ….and try not to fall over.
The best things in life really are free.
Happy Sunday XXX
Dear Ms. 
This is so true, Dwys! We discovered what matters when we got our camper…time…spending time together, taking time out from the rat race and just stopping to look around! We have visited places near and far and have looked at old places with fresh eyes, discovering things we never knew…our time needs to be well spent…as they say, this ain’t no rehearsal, so eat the cake, drink the wine, visit the places but most of all, take the time to realise what’s important to YOU. Keep your chin up, we all have down days, or sometimes weeks, but things tend to come along at the right time to help see you right. Take care xx
Keep blogging, Dws! Keep us informed of what you do, where you go, and how you are. If we can’t see the complete picture, there is little point. And we are all concerned enough to want to know how you are/are not coping, and my guess is that your writing, as well as being of interest to us is also cathartic for yourself.
xxx
What a lovely piece of reflection and writing, thank you. I really enjoyed your final advice: “Eat the juicy leaves at the top of the tree ….and try not to fall over.” Changing moods and emotional highs and lows are just part of life; I think as creative women we feel them a little more deeply too. Good on you for channelling them into your blog, and reaching out to share with others; I appreciate you 🙂 G