The blonde

This week my blog is simply  a few minutes I observed from afar.

I drive to the meeting. I was late. Not only was I late I’d absentmindedly taken the wrong turning. So I’d chosen the long way around. And I was late.  Consequently I end up going through the busy town rather than around it. Consequently I’m stuck in traffic. For a long time.

I see her to the right of me trying to cross. She has that hippified look. Strawberry blonde hair, messy, little make up, baggy top but it looked effortlessly nice along with her tanned boots and faded jeans.

I lift my hand and signal to her to walk in front so that she can cross the road. She has a white plastic  bag. She now looks in a bit of a hurry.  She smiles her thank you towards me.

She begins to roll a cigarette while walking. Clever in its own way. It surprises me as she doesn’t look like a smoker.

She doesn’t light the cigarette. Instead she puts it in her back pocket for later. My eyes follow her as I’ve nothing else to do. Sitting in the traffic. Berating myself for leaving things last minute. I glance at the traffic ahead quietly persuading something to move. I stare at the traffic lights that have turned to green twice with no movement. So my gaze continues to follow her instead.

About 30 yards down the road she knocks on a white upvc glazed door. A dark haired older woman answers and  the strawberry blonde hands her the plastic bag,  then she crouches down to be at the same level as someone. An excited, barely toddling toddler, comes into sight. Toddler has a huge smile with gleaming eyes that only parents can demand. Strawberry blonde whispers in her ear and strokes the chubby cheeks. The curls on the toddler dance around as she gazes adoringly at her mum,still crouching she continues to talk and smile. She kisses her on her cheeks twice and they chat away in toddler speak.  After a minute or so Mum has to leave and as she does she walks away blowing kisses to curly mop toddler mouthing I love you, I love you, I love you and walks on to wherever she needs to be today.

It was only a few minutes but in a world this week where there is so much anger it can be easy to overlook love which really is around us everywhere.  It doesn’t make the news and it’s not fun to gossip about, it doesn’t sell papers and it’s not particularly easy to talk about or to even to  say at times.

I had two texts yesterday from friends telling me they love me,  I was quite taken aback as I’m not one normally to tell friends I love them, saving that for family and partners normally.  However it made me think we should be telling everyone we love that we love them!! It certainly made me feel happy.

It’s simplistic to say but wouldn’t this World be a much better place if we spread the love a little bit more! It all starts with one person!

Happy Sunday everyone, lots of love! XxX


Lunch time musing

Have thought for a while of blogging a bit more (lacking a bit of self belief!) ..and today while I was making lunch I thought I’d share what I had to eat! Like there’s not enough of that on Facebook!! 

Anyhow I’m a bit of a soup freak in the week. I try to be a bit ‘good’ during the day.. only so there are enough calories left for wine. 


*sort of*

I’ve taken lately instead of finding a recipe…. I look at what I’ve got left in the cupboard and conjure up something.  

So today I fried a bit of onion  (I’m a bit lazy here as I buy frozen chopped onion it’s about a pound and it’s so much less faffy than those stingy eye real ones) then chopped up a cauliflower and with some vegetable stock simmered that for 15 minutes.  Then I added some spinach and simmered for another few minutes  taking it off the heat I added a bunch of fresh mint  (I bought a plant about a month ago for a quid and it’s still alive so it must be easy to grow!) .. then some fresh lemon juice and some salt  (I use lo salt…. so much less sodium) and some ground black pepper.  Then I whizzed it all up in a blender. 

Hey presto.  

I have to say I thought it was really tasty. 

Wintry and also a taste of Spring at the same time. 

Hope you’ve had a nice lunch today! 

X Dwys X 

Yes, I can!

It’s strange how life can be full of little coincidences.

 I was thinking this week about something mum used to say.  I believe it comes about for those of us that perhaps ‘achieved’ a bit  later in life.  Like my mum, I left school with barely any exams passed (I could sew a great skirt and jacket though!!) and later on went back to do A-levels, a degree etc.  There’s something about doing things that way around that can leave you feeling like…..a bit of a fraud.


Mum said to me when she was in one job that she thought one day she’d be ‘found out’.  What do you mean?  I said!  Well – that they might find out that I actually can’t do my job, she said.  I found this really bizarre.  Mum was amazing at her job. Brilliant in fact.  Yet she doubted herself.


Then weirdly this week I was listening to the radio and they played a theme tune, I tried hard to remember it, I knew it was something to do with animals! They confirmed it was Peter Davidson from All Creatures Great & Small!! Bizarrely as he was talking about his life (somehow I’d zoned into radio 2 this day!!) he was saying as an actor he always thought he’d be ‘found out’.  Despite being an actor for 40 years he was still waiting to be ‘found out’……That he wasn’t good enough.


I wondered whether perhaps a lot of us feel like that?  And why?


I always try to learn from those around me and I’ve tried hard not to feel like a fraud and have confidence in my work but there’s one or two areas that I do this.  Lately I’ve noticed that I’m always putting myself down about my running!  Even now I want to type… I’m not a good runner. 

I wouldn’t run with anyone for years because I thought I’d be too rubbish.  Consequently because I didn’t like running on my own I didn’t run for years.  Even now I’ll ask if anyone wants to come running with me but I’ll always say ‘I’m very slow so no need to wait for me’.  Or I’ll tell them I’m a bit old for running really or that I’m hopeless because I don’t run as much as I should or that I don’t run very far etc etc etc!!!  At the Llyn Alwen race a couple of weeks ago I was busily muttering to myself about all of this and I suddenly said – why do I keep putting myself down about this?!!  A woman shouted at me from behind and told me off – you’re here she said.  You’re doing it, you’re out of bed and you’re here.  That’s nothing to put yourself down about, she said.


And she’s right!


So from now on I’ll be making a conscious effort to stop telling myself and everyone else that I’m not that good at something.  It’s hard because being Welsh and being British we’re so used to being a little self damaging aren’t we! I’m a bit rubbish at that, I’m not good at this….. I’m not sure I’m going to start shouting how good I am at everything but I might just tell myself that I’m not doing a bad job… hang on let me try that again….. that I’m doing a good job in getting my trainers on in the first place, that my body isn’t too bad (argh done it again) – that my body is doing a great job as I’m here fit and healthy and basically….. I need  to be a lot less self critical!

 Do you put yourself down? 

Perhaps it’s about time you stopped!

Have confidence in the fabulous person you are!!

Happy happy Sunday everyone X 

The message

I receive her text early in the day. I read it quickly. Time stops for part of a second.  I close my phone and I park the text in the part of my brain that means I can only go back there when I can give it my proper time.

After a 12 hr day, a presentation, two dog walks, caring for my boy with a temperature, cobbling some dinner together, putting away some washing, getting the bins ready….. I think about dealing with the text.
First I open some post. There’s one for Tes from the bank. They say now that she’s in Uni would she like to know about the right account for her. It’s my fault. I’ve still not found the courage to go in and tell them. And sometimes, I like getting post for her. 

I pour a glass of wine and get my phone out. I read her text again. 

She. My counsellor says. It’s been a while since we met, is it ok to close your file now? 

She says I can go back anytime.

I want to text. You saved me. But I know she’d say. No. You saved you. 

That’s what she’s like. She takes no credit.
She’s wrong and she’s also right. Her safe space and insight gave me hope and she taught me that answers and strength lay within me.

I’m scared to sever this tie.
I know it’s right after three years to let it go. Sometimes I’ve had as much of a break as 12 months.  Then I had to go back.  It’s taken 3 years, 5 months and about 9 days to finally feel I can let her go.  Properly.  My counsellor.  With that I wrap myself in guilt which I also know is ridiculous. 

I’d like to share my reply. I meant every word

Hi. Yes that’ll be OK as long as I know I can delve in if I ever need. It’s not an exaggeration to say that you helped me survive. I’ll never ever forget your kindness empathy honesty and humanity. That’s not just someone doing their job. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

My blog has never been to advise or to preach but I do believe in learning from each other. Good and bad. If you ever find yourself in a place where things remain heavy and blurry always ask for help, it’s not weak. It takes strength.

Love to you all this Sunday.


A piece of peace.

International Peace day happened this week on the  21st September.

Hmph I thought.  Not much peace in my life at the moment.  Waking up at 5.30am unable to go back to sleep mulling over various solutions to current life problems. Cancelling dinner plans because of having to work late.  Not running because I couldn’t be bothered and I’d rather a glass of wine due to all of this paragraph.  A proper self indulgent poor me moment.  

I sat down to write this blog and I thought what does  peace mean to me?  I often think peace for an individual is about solitude & time for yourself.  Sometimes I worry I’m not getting enough peace! Now adays you’re almost looked at as some kind of odd bod if you spend much time alone.  Buddhism encourages times of solitude (I’m not a Buddhist by the way but I do enjoy much of their strategies on life – as an aside I did go to one meeting with someone I shall not name many many years ago, during one mantra I turned to said friend and said ‘does it sound like they’re singing I want a chicken korma to you’.  Our fits of giggles were pure nerves at the time but it didn’t go down that well, understandably!)

 As I was saying Buddhism encourages solitude because if you are ease with yourself then there is nothing to fear from being alone I guess. A great place to be.

I am digressing rather a lot in this blog – as I said I thought about this word peace and what it means to me.  

I did eventually get my a*** out of bed early Wednesday morning and ran (slowly) 7k with my pooch.  Despite being out of breath I felt happy inside.  On Wednesday at lunch time my mum called over and a favourite song of hers came on the radio.  She turned it up loud (so that’s where I get it from!) and we both danced in the kitchen until the end.  The pooch joined in.  My son did not.  That moment of getting away from it all just for those few minutes gave me a free mind.  I immersed myself in a film at the cinema one night, as I chewed on my cola bottles and crunched at the pop corn and laughed out loud, my mind was feeling very stress free. Peacful. 

 I think my point is that peace can come in all kinds of shapes and sizes.  Yes it can be solitude, it can be time on top of a mountain, it can be yoga or meditating but all that is not always possible in our busy lives.  

How do you find peace?

Peace for me is when I’m at ease with myself whatever the situation, dancing, laughing, walking etc etc. Anything that gives my brain a change of scene to one free of worry whether that’s a  few minutes or a couple of hours. 

It’s so important to give your mind a break from the daily grind. As the saying goes.. dance like nobody’s watching.  It feels great! 

 Happy peacful Sunday everyone xxx

 Ps  I’ll be panting my way running 11.5KM around Llyn Alwen from 9.30am!!! Wish me luck! X

The best things in life are….

free….. as the saying goes and there’s another… can’t buy you happiness.

I read an interview with an elderly woman the other day about how she had led a positive and happy life, she said it was important to remember the things that make us happy don’t generally cost money.

Like everyone else – money does indeed buy me happiness when the H&M catalogue has just landed through my door and I see those red shoes that I NEED!!!!  However…. it got me thinking about what we can do for free that makes us feel good about ourselves.

This is what I came up with this week as I took notice of those things that happened to me that make me feel happy and healthy but cost nothing….

Drinking water, lots of it

Saying hello and thank you

Walking miles in the mountains


Picking blackberries

Running with friends at dusk

Lying down and watching the clouds

Telling the people you love that you …. love them

Kisses (with mutually agreed participants of course!)

Spending proper time with friends/family (putting your phone down!)

Getting up close to animals – dogs/cows/hedgehogs whatever….

Meditating.. when I remember to do this even for a few minutes a day I feel much less stressed

Looking.  Really looking at that beautiful view

Letting your mind wander  (harder than it sounds!)

Paddling in rivers on hot sticky days

Have you got any more?

You may think I’m over egging it but so many of us are skint and living to, or beyond our means….we think if we could only have that we’d be happy……..but there really is so much out there already, for free, making today a better today.

It comes from within and the only cost is a little imagination.

Happy Sunday everyone

X lots of love X

Dwys x 




What are friends for?

What are friends for?  I find myself saying as I hold her hand while she tries to stop tears rolling down her cheeks.

Friends are those people we choose to be in our life.

I was told this week I’m very ‘good’ at making an effort with friends.   I don’t see it as good, I see it as necessary.  Without question.

Like a tiny seed that grows into a beautiful rose, friendships need love, attention, feeding and patience and like the rose friendships should be beautiful.  It’ll have a few thorns and there are times paths will go in different directions but for me, friends are a staple fixture in life, a fundamental ingredient.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my friends this week for all the lovely things you did, during a rather difficult week.

Thanks to you for taking me out for veggi sausage and mash.  Thanks to you for organising a get together when we haven’t seen each other for months.  Thanks for picking up the phone on Thursday night, even though you probably didn’t want to after your bad day and having a long overdue chat with me.  Thanks to you, my brother, who I class as one of my best friends for a good giggle and a serious natter.  Thanks to you for sorting out afternoon tea yesterday – there’s never enough time for us all to speak! Thanks to you for the text suggesting a walk and of course a wine to finish it off, sorry I missed the walk but the wine was lush.  Thanks to my oldest friend for ringing me up at 11pm where we attempted to solve the world’s problems (or just our own!).  Thanks to mum (bestest friend ever!) for helping me out and sharing an avocado sandwich with me in the sunshine. Thanks to you for asking how my boy got on at school.  Thanks for your messages despite your tough week and your advice.  Thanks for the surprise chocolates ending up on my desk.  Thanks for asking how I got on this week and making plans to meet up.   Thanks for posting encouraging messages.  Thanks for the hug.  Thanks for taking me out for dinner.  (I’ve just realised there’s no wonder I’ve put on a few pounds this Summer – so much food!!).

Thanks for being YOU!

Some friends I’ve known all my life, some much shorter.  We can’t all be there for each other all the time, it can be weeks or even months sometimes where we catch up , sometimes it’s just a text or phone call now and again.

Search the definition of friendship and it will tell you that it’s an attachment to a person or between persons, affection arising from mutual esteem and good will.  For me the last two words sum up friendship. In fact it sums up how to be the best person you can.

Good will.

If you have good will towards the people in your life then you’re all the way there in trying to make today the best one you can for you and everyone else.

Happy Sunday everyone xxx