I can’t remember when it happened exactly. It wasn’t in my 20s because I remember spending every birthday at Alton Towers and saying an emphatic ‘yes’ to every rollercoaster. Even the ride that we had queued up for, when an employee took a hammer to the track just before we got on. We still looped the loop without a thought.
It might have started when I had Tes. All of the sudden there’s not just you to think about and for some reason over the years when I’m faced with a decision to take part in something that has a chance of physical injury my yes has turned into a non wavering no.
Non wavering that is until your nephew’s get involved. During our annual Center Parcs jaunt this week I’m faced with a slide that my younger younger bigger brother declared he ‘thought he was going to die’ as he got off. Not the most persuasive argument to get me on said slide. As my nephew’s busily make their best chicken impression my head continues to shake no. Nope. NO.
What’s it like I ask taller younger brother. Fun. He says. Will I get hurt? I say. No he assures me. Some people you trust in the world and he’s one of them. The nephew’s continue to dance around my feet with mischievous pleading eyes. And that’s when I find myself walking up the metal steps and somehow queuing up for …..The Tornado.
It didn’t do my nerves that much good when the waiting foursome ahead in the queue sat in the inflatable raft all smiles to then go out of sight for a few seconds with the excitable laughing still echoing upwards towards me only to be suddenly replaced with piercing screams akin to those victims of Freddy Kruger. Then silence.
And then it was my turn. The nephew’s looked gleeful as I took my seat. I gripped the handles like my life depended on it. I think my life actually did depend on it! It swirls slowly at first twisting around the turquoise tube. Water splashes gently in our faces as it begins to sway harder and faster. And then it happens. The tube disappears. There is no slide. The raft and four people are now at the mercy of gravity and my stomach has left my body. My hands shake and I’ve lost most of the feeling in my legs. We are hurling vertically to oblivion with all our senses trying to make sense of how we can survive falling into thin air…..seconds feel like minutes when the raft finally makes contact with the slide again and after a few more rapid turns brings us to the bottom. To safety.
So I did it and I was glad I did it. Did I enjoy it? Not sure. What I have enjoyed is learning I need to say yes a bit more to things I might feel uncomfortable about. We’ve all got different things that scare us.. perhaps facing them head on is one way to at least be able to say, we’ve done it. We’ve faced our fears!
Happy Sunday everyone x Dwys x
So, I was walking with the dogs and something caught my eye. As usual instead of stopping and looking at said thing – I think it was a gorgeous red flower peeking out of the verge all by itself – I get my phone out, to take a picture! It’s 7am and I’m a bit bleary eyed, I’m keeping one eye on my two pooches who have developed an interest in small furry lambs (just to play with) – so in the process of getting said phone out it takes a somersault out of my hands and lands on the tarmac with a thump. The phone lived no more.
How did we live without phones?! 25 years ago I travelled to Australia for 12 months with no mobile phone and I still have a suitcase full of letters from those travels. I know it’s all nostalgic but I do miss a good letter. My poor family received a hurried phone call once a month if they were lucky. No texts. No Facebook. No WhatsApp. Just lots of stories upon our return.
Anyway back to the phone – so I have no phone for all of 48hrs because of course I can’t live without my phone so I immediately upgrade and order a new one!!!
In those 48hrs though – I HAVE NO PHONE!!! I’m having my haircut and I think – oo I’ll just google hairstyles, I have no phone. I wonder how much something weighs in lbs, I have no phone. I want to google creamy avocado pasta receipes – I have no phone!!! I want to get hold of my son in the evening while I’m out – I have no phone!!!! I want to speak to my other half driving to work as I normally do – I have no phone!!! I find myself also becoming a bit anxious – what if I break down or need something while I’m out walking! It was highly annoying and frankly it bothered me how dependent we are on our phones but mostly I just wanted my phone back!
On the second day as I was out walking I stood looking over at the most beautiful view in our village, my favourite spot – just hills and water and trees and houses and the odd car with sheep and horses wandering around, pheasants take an early morning ramble while they safely can and rabbits also enjoy a roam. I couldn’t get my phone out so I just stood there and looked. While I looked I heard these most amazing sounds – birds – but it was like I hadn’t heard before. It wasn’t just a tweet while I was doing something else, it was a song, a rhythm, a calling – it was so peaceful and really beautiful. I actually remember buying a ‘tape’ once years ago with these kind of sounds on it to help me relax! Seems a bit bonkers that we buy those kinds of sounds when errr… it’s actually all outside!!! So this is me and my blog just appreciating the outside a little more than I do already, I’m always going to stop and take a picture and so we should too but sometimes it’s amazing to sit there properly to listen and take in the amazing place we live in. Wales! I love you!
Happy Sunday everyone x Dwys x
I’m not complaining about our many frosty mornings or our many many drizzly days. In fact I love the rain and the storms and the fierce winds. No wonder we talk about the weather so much… it can alter the way we feel in an instant. However for me…sunshine unleashes a whole new swarm of emotions. Everything just seems so different. So positive.
Because of the sunshine in the last week I’ve been able to visit my favourite beach and walk miles along the gentle curve of the wave disappearing at my feet. We’ve had picnics of avocado salad sandwiches while watching the dogs chase sticks. There’s been walks to parks where swans sunbathed and geese preened and paddle. Toddlers run around in their new shorts and squishy knees. Everyone seems to be eating ice cream. I play football and throw myself on the field in an attempt to humour my young opponent. Families roll down grassy slopes and the parks have come alive with laughter, picnic blankets and chat. Clouds have disappeared leaving a blanket of blue and the sunshine warms our bodies that until now have been hidden under wooly hats and winter coats.
Maybe that’s why we appreciate the sunshine so much because it’s certainly not something we always have!
It’s amazing how the weather can change your mood if you take the time to appreciate the power of the outdoors and the natural elements that can turn a bad day into a fantastic one.
It’s another gorgeous one today.. hope you’re all able to make the most of it!
Lots of love
Dwys x x
I should have known better!
I saw her walking towards me. We don’t know each other that well but we say hello and sometimes exchange a few words about the weather. That morning the wind made my cheeks burn a little but the sun also made a strong appearance meaning I could leave my hat at home for a change.
As she approached she made no eye contact. Like I wasn’t there. We passed each other and she barely saw me. She was gone again. Weird, I thought. Rude, I thought. Then of course I wondered what I could have possibly done to her. Because it had to be that. Despite hardly knowing her. I must’ve done something.
It was two days later when I found out her mum is really poorly.
We’re always learning things aren’t we and that was a reminder to me that sometimes I need to remember to simply ask, are you OK? Not walk on and chat to myself about how this is obviously my fault. Not helpful to anyone!
We make assumptions all the time. Sometimes we need to dig a little deeper and the next time a colleague is in a mood or that child next door is being ‘naughty’ or a friend is being distant. We need to be brave and think what’s going on for them and if the chance comes up, ask. Are you OK?
Hope you’re all OK this morning and if you’re not that’s OK too xx
To all the mums. To you who feels a failure for not making pureed food for your new baby while everyone else seems like super mum. To you who really hates making things out of plasticine but does it anyway. To you who has no mum anymore and misses her desperately. To you who has a mum somewhere but also doesn’t have her in your life. To you the mum who juggles it all. To you the mum who feels guilty no matter how much effort you put in. To you the mum who is stressed. To you the mum who can’t wait for bed time. To you the mum who shouts sometimes. To you the mum who’s protecting their child in the best way they can. To you the mum who has lost. To you the mum that it never happened for. To you the mums that will be. To you the mums that could’ve been, that bravely decided it isn’t for you. To mums of dogs and cats. To mums taking on the job of other mums that couldn’t be. And to you mums who seem to do it so effortlessly!
Mum’s. We’re all different. We’re not a perfect poster image in a magazine. We get 17 minutes to ourselves apparently each day. 17 minutes! The rest of the time we’re devoting to kids, partners, animals, work, cooking, driving, ironing, cleaning, studying, making last minute costumes for school etc etc! .
So I think we all well deserve this one day to celebrate!
To mums everywhere! Have a lovely day xxxx
During a very nice, relaxing Spa day with a beautiful friend on Friday I did a couple of things I haven’t done in ages. I READ at least half a magazine and I had a back massage!! Bliss! I love Psychologies magazine. Expensive but every page is worthy of your time and I get inspired to get on and do at least one thing after I’ve read it.
One article this week made me think about how we are often focussed on what we haven’t done and on what we should be doing next. We don’t stop sometimes and think about all of our accomplishments big or small. I often berate myself for the bigger things like not yet having written *that* book to the smaller things like why I haven’t I replanted that hyacinth yet! Or I’ll be giving myself a hard time for not running even though I’ve walked 4 miles that day.
So thank you to the magazine I’ve been able to concentrate on some things that I’ve accomplished rather than concentrate on everything I haven’t done. I’m not going to list them all because it feels a bit self indulgent but what I do feel proud of is still being able to smile and laugh and love. I drove to work so happy this week and met a colleague where I instantly of course start telling her how guilty I feel for being happy. Slap yourself around the head right now was her helpful advice!! Then she hugged me. One of my biggest accomplishments is finding and living a happy life after losing Tes despite the forever pain. And going forward I look forward to getting some of those things I haven’t done yet but I will really try stop berating myself for sometimes watching two episodes of Game of Thrones rather than painting the front of my house!
It’s great to have ambition and goals but we also need to remember what we’ve done to get where we are now.
Happy Sunday x Dwys x
I was walking up a huge hill this week when my phone rang. Amazing really as phones do not ring in my village, signal is as scarce as someone who will admit to voting for UKIP. Anyway, the phone rang and as I got my breath back and panted terribly rudely down the phone I had a chat with my mate. During the conversation I was asked for my view on ripped jeans. Is it ok to still wear ripped jeans she says? Said friend is 10 years younger than me. Like everything, I gave it a lot of thought and said in my opinion for my age ripped jeans are ok as long as the rip is on the thigh and the rip is quite small, a big no no for me is ripped jeans at the knee. Purely personal of course, I just don’t like my 40yr old plus knees being on show like that!! We had a laugh about it. She said I should write a blog on it!!! I said I can’t do that – I can’t write a blog about ripped jeans?!
But here I am writing a blog about ripped jeans. More than that writing a blog about friendship, ripped jeans and the fact as women we still seem to be considering whether it’s ok to wear something or not?! I was a bit surprised at myself. Even though we joked about it, I realised that I had actually given quite a lot of consideration to the ripped jeans wearing debate much to my friends surprise as I relayed the pros and cons! She later text me to say she’d decided against said jeans, putting it down to an issue with, in her words , ‘fat poking through’.
So why as women are we still wondering if its ok to wear something or not! As International womens day fell this week on the 8th March women should at the very least be comfortable to wear what we like. So I’m going to try to give less attention to my slightly wrinkly knees and more attention to giving confidence to the body those knees belong to!
To finish, during a week to celebrate women I want to thank all of you women and all of you people out there that love and celebrate us women. Thanks for catching up over lunch, a phone call, a message, your hugs, kisses and love. Thanks for being in my life and helping it to be, incredibly, a beautiful place.