I felt really disappointed one day this week. The reason isn’t important but I woke with a pit of disappointment sitting at the bottom of my belly. It was my day off work so I considered skulking around. Instead I saw my trail shoes and put them on. The dogs, excited as ever, pulled me up the hill with the red brick houses and I took a turn up the narrow one track road seeing the horses graze as usual standing expectantly at the gate. My heart and also my legs were feeling heavy, the hill was stretching out my calves, without thought I found myself forming a slow jog. The dogs got excited and ran gently along side me.
The hill continued to stretch ahead with no break but I gritted my teeth and kept going eventually getting to the top and I then with new energy let my legs easily run away at their own pace, faster, down the steep hill. At the bottom I’d generally do a loop left but I had gained some momentum and no doubt serotonin levels had risen from the exercise so instead I took a right and added another mile on to the run. The dogs panted as they continued to jog gently alongside, occasionally looking up at me as if they were asking – what are you doing?! We ventured up a track that I had found a week ago over a small hill where flowers had been laid (for someone, I thought) and bearing left I crossed a wooden bridge, passed a farm house with a red telephone box outside and looped back towards home.
Dealing with disappointments for me generally means that I tend to ignore what the disappointment is, this time I really made myself focus on what I was disappointed about, every time my mind tried to get me to stop thinking of it and pushing it to one side, I made myself think of it again and in the end I managed to make a lot of sense of why I was feeling like I did and I managed to deal with it a lot quicker than I would have normally because I made myself focus in it.
Generally I’d have buried this disappointment down in my the soles of my feet and it’d have bit me on the bum in a few weeks/months sometimes even years later because I’d have tried to ignore it. It feels far easier in the short term not having to face up to emotions, disappointments, rejection, change. No wonder a lot of us decide to run away from what’s facing us in the hope it’ll turn out ok. Problem is those niggles rarely go away. Anyone who hasn’t dealt with a problem knows this. It just comes back.
I suppose what I was reminded this week was no matter how much we try to protect ourselves we will always face disappointments and challenges, we could lie in bed under the covers or we can get our running shoes on.. we can ignore what hurts or we can find a way through, we can concentrate on the dark clouds or we can search out the silver lining,
Happy Sunday xx