During a very nice, relaxing Spa day with a beautiful friend on Friday I did a couple of things I haven’t done in ages. I READ at least half a magazine and I had a back massage!! Bliss! I love Psychologies magazine. Expensive but every page is worthy of your time and I get inspired to get on and do at least one thing after I’ve read it.
One article this week made me think about how we are often focussed on what we haven’t done and on what we should be doing next. We don’t stop sometimes and think about all of our accomplishments big or small. I often berate myself for the bigger things like not yet having written *that* book to the smaller things like why I haven’t I replanted that hyacinth yet! Or I’ll be giving myself a hard time for not running even though I’ve walked 4 miles that day.
So thank you to the magazine I’ve been able to concentrate on some things that I’ve accomplished rather than concentrate on everything I haven’t done. I’m not going to list them all because it feels a bit self indulgent but what I do feel proud of is still being able to smile and laugh and love. I drove to work so happy this week and met a colleague where I instantly of course start telling her how guilty I feel for being happy. Slap yourself around the head right now was her helpful advice!! Then she hugged me. One of my biggest accomplishments is finding and living a happy life after losing Tes despite the forever pain. And going forward I look forward to getting some of those things I haven’t done yet but I will really try stop berating myself for sometimes watching two episodes of Game of Thrones rather than painting the front of my house!
It’s great to have ambition and goals but we also need to remember what we’ve done to get where we are now.
Happy Sunday x Dwys x
I read an article this week that made me question myself. Can we be too positive? I like to think I’m a glass full kind of person and I’m not sure where I’d be right now if I didn’t believe in positivity, in people, in love, in good overriding bad. If I didn’t have faith that it will be ok in the end. The last few years would’ve been dramatically and I fear miserably difficult had I not clinged to a positive outcome.
But I understand what the writer meant. Sometimes you can’t simply ‘chin up’ or ‘pull yourself together’. Doesn’t matter how many mindfulness colouring books you’ve got on the go, some days are crap. It’s ok to say it. It’s ok to feel it. It’s probably healthier to share it. And that’s where we struggle. It a bit like when you bump into someone you know at the doctors. How are you, they ask. Fine, you reply. Lying.
I know many reasons why people don’t share the bad stuff. Some feel they should be grateful. Others don’t want to be viewed as being negative. Many don’t want to appear weak and vulnerable. Sometimes, speaking personally, I just don’t want to put my pain on someone else.
There’s nothing wrong with being positive in my view but honesty is just as important. Next time someone says hi, how are you? Maybe find a more honest answer than fine. You might be feeling fabulous or fragile. If you’re the one doing the asking and that person with something going on in their eyes replies they’re ok maybe ask again. Are you really ok?
I love reading an article that questions my existing thinking pattern. It’s a very positive experience!
On Friday I got up at 6am and yet still somehow only scraped myself with seconds to spare for my 8.45am meeting. A few things happened – I lost my Bourjois blusher, a real disaster. I saw the line up for Festival No. 6 on Instagram and noticed KATE TEMPEST is going to be there which distracted me. I then couldn’t find the nail clippers. Plus there was my hair. This week I had decided to go au natural. I imagine it’ll dry into light glossy bouncy curls. Despite spending an imaginary lottery win of money on non frizzy miraculous promising products, I still wake up as if I have been through a spin dryer.
Then there are my two favourite four legged friends Lolly and Lula. Neither like the car and today they were coming to work. Lolly decided to make herself the weight of a boulder and refused to get off the bed as I made my exit and Lula ran 3/4 mile up the road. I ended up shouting at them and they then gave me those puppy dog eyes then I nearly cried because I felt mean…. and it was only 7.15am!!!!!
So, my point is we’re all in a rush most of the time for various reasons. As I drive through the next village at 20mph I notice in the mirror a large vehicle almost on top of my poor Fiat 500. I can’t see the number plate. The driver is clearly frustrated with me for sticking to the speed limit. There are various reasons why I stick to the speed limit – firstly when you live basically an hour from a major supermarket and H&M you really don’t want to be losing your licence, secondly there are always kids around this particular road, thirdly it’s busy because of a large factory near by, fourthly my cousin was knocked over in this village many years ago and that sticks with me.
So the man in the big four wheel drive continues to try to edge me along, to go faster. As we leave the 20mph area and it increases to a whopping 30mph he overtakes me. Of course at the next set of traffic lights I catch him up.
I’m no angel in the car and have been known and probably will still get cross at times and forget my speed occasionally. After I lost Tes though I became a much calmer driver, I guess big events make you see the smaller things in life like getting to the next set of lights a few seconds before isn’t that important.
I keep trying to learn from what I see and as I saw this agitated angry man desperate for me to go faster it reinforced my want to rush less and experience more.
Happy *unrushed* Sunday!!
I drove to work this week listening to the radio as usual, there was a woman speaking about role models, she said everyone girl should have a role model. It made me think about the importance of influencing each other and also I have to say I feel that boys need as much as ever to have positive role models particularly when we look around at the males currently dominating our media.
What is a role model?
Are you one?
Am I one?? I thought to myself.
Taking on the position of a role model isn’t an easy task. If people look up to or admire someone that role model has to constantly be on their best behavior don’t they. Look at David Beckham this week… a few emails with a few expletives (I have to be honest I haven’t seeked out the full story) – he seems to have gone from an untouchable unquestionable respectable man to one now viewed with suspicion and mistrust. He’s not allowed to be human.
Role models are not allowed faults – which to be frank is absolutely ridiculous.
A role model to me is someone real, with imperfections and weaknesses but who also is striving to be the best person they can at that moment. A role model is someone who wants to encourage other people, who resists jealous and envy, someone who generally see’s the best in someone and wants that someone to succeed. A role model tries to be kind and compassionate not just to who they know but who they don’t know either. A role model treats children with love and devotion and know that animals are an extension of the human race to be cared for and cherished. A role model is a decent and good friend, withholds malicious judgement and is inclusive. A role model is someone wanting to do all those things while accepting that all those things aren’t always possible, but keeps trying.
I don’t find myself wanting to be like anyone else. For me that breeds jealousy but I do know that I am drawn to people I view as positive role models, from Mrs Thomas my kind primary school teacher to a friend who put a pair of trainers on for the first time, to a woman who despite enormous loss found a way to happiness, the group who stands up despite adversity for what they believe in and especially the encouragers in life where resentment doesn’t exist.
I think we can all be role models and by acknowledging yourself as a role model it gives you some responsibility because there’s no choice – we do all influence everyone around us. It may sound nonsensical but if you’re a role model anyway, isn’t it worth trying to be the best one you can be?
Lots of love and a happy Sunday x x
Do you ever say you’re going to do something and you don’t? Do you ever have good intentions and when the time actually comes you just can’t be bothered? This was me this week when it came to Yoga. And I felt so bad because I had written it in my blog!!!! The first thing I said was – I have to go, I’ve written in my blog that I’m going!!!
This was in fact the second week that I said I was starting back at Yoga and didn’t make it. The first week I was too tired. The second week, I was ….. err….. too tired again!!!!! The reason I’m too tired is because I’m not giving myself enough time to sleep so I barely scrape through the 6am start to the finishing line. So the thought of then donning on some lycra and carrying my yoga mat to a community centre three miles down the road versus a lovely large glass of Sauvignon with First Dates hotel (you don’t watch it?! You must!!) and a packet of Prawn Cocktail crisps wins. Every time.
I get so annoyed with myself when I say I’m going to do something and I don’t as it’s something I rarely do. The talking to I give myself in the middle of the night when I feel the crisps on my hips and my over active mind that really could’ve done with being Omnified by the yoga instructor is even more annoying. I often give myself a hard time – about so many things and I just can’t get out of that habit, I think I know why I do it, it’s just a matter of stopping!
Feel like I’m waffling a bit….
Anyway so I guess it’s a Sunday and if you’re religious in any way (I’m not) you could take this as my confession that I said I was going to do something and I didn’t. I’d apologise but I’m sure you are a forgiving bunch and anyway I’ve berated myself enough for it already. One of the main things i’ve learnt is I need to be a little bit more forgiving of myself!! We’re so hard on ourselves at times aren’t we.
So…. TOMORROW I’m going to Yoga ok!!!! And if I don’t go I (almost) promise not to be hard on myself (as I write that I know that’s not going to happen… but I’ll try). We could all try being a bit kinder and sympathetic to ourselves sometimes couldn’t we!
Happy Sunday xx
I drove to work the other day. The weather was bleak, the fault light had come on my car. Again. It was misty, visibility was poor. I’d been up for two hours, tired already I begin the hour drive to work.
Coming into the next village I slow down as a family cross in front of me. Holding hands with her mum is a blonde girl in a chequered dress of about 8, skipping. I thought to myself…. What happened to skipping? I thought to myself, when did I stop skipping? When did WE stop skipping?!
As I do ……I give that a lot more thought as I drive on. What stopped the skipping? If I skipped to work now people would think I was a bit crazy. I’d feel so self conscious. What happened?
Why do we lose that freedom to express the joy we feel? When did we somehow learn that we shouldn’t express that we’re having a great day. When did it become un cool to shout out and express wildly……I’m happy!!
If you look back at a conversation you’ve had recently with a few friends I’m sure like me you’ll notice it’s far easier to complain than to talk about how great you’re life is today. It’s much easier to moan about work than say you love it, it’s far easier to pick holes in your partner than say how wonderful they are.
As I drive on, Mariah Carey came on the radio singing her song… …. I went from sleepy to singy as I join in crooning that…. All I want for Christmas is you. With that although I couldn’t physically skip …..I smile and dance in my seat and sing out loud, not caring who’s watching and guess what, it made me happier.
So thank you skipping girl for reminding me that there’s definitely a need to fill my life with more skipping, maybe in yours too?
Happy Sunday everyone xxxx
I was reading an article about a woman who writes a popular blog yesterday. She talked about the fact it came with the territory that because she writes publicly she’s also abused and ridiculed on occasion. Shame isn’t it? No wonder so many people say to me they wish they could write but they feel they can’t. Of course they could.
Everyone has something to say but the problem is … can you get over the difficulties. Are you prepared for someone to throw a comment back at you that you wrote 6 years ago!? I am. But it can be difficult.
Write about being a positive person… .. then dare to feel down for a few minutes and you may well get someone questioning you about it! I tend to respond with. .. I’m human!! Just like you!
Anyway the point is this kind of attack is designed to take our voice away. Particularly women’s voices. How many fear to voice an opinion on Facebook or Twitter or even real life because you could be ridiculed or you feel a thousand eye rolls ? How many want to write but can’t because they think they’re not good enough. How many are worried of the reaction from others?
I say be comfortable in your skin and confident about what you have to say.
Write about it.
Particularly women. Women need to.. not shut up!
If you write a blog about parenting and it’s joys it doesn’t mean you won’t feel like locking yourself in your bathroom for 4 days because you just want some peace! if you’re passionate about being healthy and then find yourself tempted by a cream horn (oo remember them – are they still going?) ….then that’s because you’re human!
I’m not sure if this makes sense but I’m more aware and have experienced the lows and fortunately the highs of writing or voicing an opinion. I suppose what I’m saying is I’d like to try and encourage you to have yours.
Stand up and be proud of what you’ve got to say. You’ll never be remembered for being quiet!!
Happy happy Sunday. it’s lovely to be back properly xx