I read an article this week that made me question myself. Can we be too positive? I like to think I’m a glass full kind of person and I’m not sure where I’d be right now if I didn’t believe in positivity, in people, in love, in good overriding bad. If I didn’t have faith that it will be ok in the end. The last few years would’ve been dramatically and I fear miserably difficult had I not clinged to a positive outcome.
But I understand what the writer meant. Sometimes you can’t simply ‘chin up’ or ‘pull yourself together’. Doesn’t matter how many mindfulness colouring books you’ve got on the go, some days are crap. It’s ok to say it. It’s ok to feel it. It’s probably healthier to share it. And that’s where we struggle. It a bit like when you bump into someone you know at the doctors. How are you, they ask. Fine, you reply. Lying.
I know many reasons why people don’t share the bad stuff. Some feel they should be grateful. Others don’t want to be viewed as being negative. Many don’t want to appear weak and vulnerable. Sometimes, speaking personally, I just don’t want to put my pain on someone else.
There’s nothing wrong with being positive in my view but honesty is just as important. Next time someone says hi, how are you? Maybe find a more honest answer than fine. You might be feeling fabulous or fragile. If you’re the one doing the asking and that person with something going on in their eyes replies they’re ok maybe ask again. Are you really ok?
I love reading an article that questions my existing thinking pattern. It’s a very positive experience!
On Friday I got up at 6am and yet still somehow only scraped myself with seconds to spare for my 8.45am meeting. A few things happened – I lost my Bourjois blusher, a real disaster. I saw the line up for Festival No. 6 on Instagram and noticed KATE TEMPEST is going to be there which distracted me. I then couldn’t find the nail clippers. Plus there was my hair. This week I had decided to go au natural. I imagine it’ll dry into light glossy bouncy curls. Despite spending an imaginary lottery win of money on non frizzy miraculous promising products, I still wake up as if I have been through a spin dryer.
Then there are my two favourite four legged friends Lolly and Lula. Neither like the car and today they were coming to work. Lolly decided to make herself the weight of a boulder and refused to get off the bed as I made my exit and Lula ran 3/4 mile up the road. I ended up shouting at them and they then gave me those puppy dog eyes then I nearly cried because I felt mean…. and it was only 7.15am!!!!!
So, my point is we’re all in a rush most of the time for various reasons. As I drive through the next village at 20mph I notice in the mirror a large vehicle almost on top of my poor Fiat 500. I can’t see the number plate. The driver is clearly frustrated with me for sticking to the speed limit. There are various reasons why I stick to the speed limit – firstly when you live basically an hour from a major supermarket and H&M you really don’t want to be losing your licence, secondly there are always kids around this particular road, thirdly it’s busy because of a large factory near by, fourthly my cousin was knocked over in this village many years ago and that sticks with me.
So the man in the big four wheel drive continues to try to edge me along, to go faster. As we leave the 20mph area and it increases to a whopping 30mph he overtakes me. Of course at the next set of traffic lights I catch him up.
I’m no angel in the car and have been known and probably will still get cross at times and forget my speed occasionally. After I lost Tes though I became a much calmer driver, I guess big events make you see the smaller things in life like getting to the next set of lights a few seconds before isn’t that important.
I keep trying to learn from what I see and as I saw this agitated angry man desperate for me to go faster it reinforced my want to rush less and experience more.
Happy *unrushed* Sunday!!
Valentines. A day of two conflictions for me. It’s just a materialistic nonsense, expensive flowers go up in prices kind of day. But also. It’s a day to remember about love. To show it. To feel it. To be it. Because lots of us forget over time to demonstrate our love to those closest to us. Or sometimes we forget there’s so much to love and that we’re loved. For that reason I’m tentatively ok with Valentines!
In this current climate of what feels like clouds of hate adorning the grey skies, where we seem to live in fear of our future. Love is what surely saves us.
Love can come from so many things. A dog, a car, a child, a partner. Family, friends. Even a job or the outside, a mountain or lake. A favourite book or place to take in the view. A destination or a walk. A favourite dish to cook or being part of a like minded circle. Drawing or just sitting still.
So Valentines. I may detest your commercialism but I love your underlying message. There is much to love. We just have to remember that now and again.
Lots of love to you!
I drove to work this week listening to the radio as usual, there was a woman speaking about role models, she said everyone girl should have a role model. It made me think about the importance of influencing each other and also I have to say I feel that boys need as much as ever to have positive role models particularly when we look around at the males currently dominating our media.
What is a role model?
Are you one?
Am I one?? I thought to myself.
Taking on the position of a role model isn’t an easy task. If people look up to or admire someone that role model has to constantly be on their best behavior don’t they. Look at David Beckham this week… a few emails with a few expletives (I have to be honest I haven’t seeked out the full story) – he seems to have gone from an untouchable unquestionable respectable man to one now viewed with suspicion and mistrust. He’s not allowed to be human.
Role models are not allowed faults – which to be frank is absolutely ridiculous.
A role model to me is someone real, with imperfections and weaknesses but who also is striving to be the best person they can at that moment. A role model is someone who wants to encourage other people, who resists jealous and envy, someone who generally see’s the best in someone and wants that someone to succeed. A role model tries to be kind and compassionate not just to who they know but who they don’t know either. A role model treats children with love and devotion and know that animals are an extension of the human race to be cared for and cherished. A role model is a decent and good friend, withholds malicious judgement and is inclusive. A role model is someone wanting to do all those things while accepting that all those things aren’t always possible, but keeps trying.
I don’t find myself wanting to be like anyone else. For me that breeds jealousy but I do know that I am drawn to people I view as positive role models, from Mrs Thomas my kind primary school teacher to a friend who put a pair of trainers on for the first time, to a woman who despite enormous loss found a way to happiness, the group who stands up despite adversity for what they believe in and especially the encouragers in life where resentment doesn’t exist.
I think we can all be role models and by acknowledging yourself as a role model it gives you some responsibility because there’s no choice – we do all influence everyone around us. It may sound nonsensical but if you’re a role model anyway, isn’t it worth trying to be the best one you can be?
Lots of love and a happy Sunday x x
I got to see Trainspotting 2 this week. It’s totally different to the first but just as powerful. I just wanted to talk about it for ages afterwards and mull over the characters and the way their lives had evolved. It particularly resonated with me because the characters are now my age. I’ve grown up with them!
20 years. It’s a long time and yet seems a short time. In my 20 years I haven’t ended up in prison or taken a concoction of drugs like my trainspotting friends!! It has made me think about what has gone on though. Two beautiful children, new jobs, loss, house moves, relationships, divorce, pets, coming out, holidays, break ups, love, graduation, furry friends, learning to run, rows and making up, self acceptance, old friends and new ones… …. twenty years. 20 years! What will the next 20 bring? I hope for calm and fulfilling, exciting and relaxed, healthy and beautiful. I imagine it will be again nothing as I expected because although we try our best to have some control over our future we don’t.
We can try to control some of it.. how healthy we are, how we make an impact today, how we approach life today.. but tomorrow will bring what it wants and that has made me think about trying to stop worrying about what I’ve got absolutely no control over. Most of us worry about things we can do nothing about and it’s probably time to stop!!
To help me be a bit more thankful for what I’ve got right now and stop worrying about the inevitable unknown of tomorrow I’ve downloaded the app gratitude garden. It encourages you to write down three good things from today. It keeps them all so if you’re ever feeling a bit negative you can go back and remind yourself about the good stuff too!
It’s worth a go! Anything to help with those irrelevant and unhelpful anxieties. Concentrate on what we can change and not on what we can’t.
Happy (non worrying) Sunday
Lots of love xx
Do you ever say you’re going to do something and you don’t? Do you ever have good intentions and when the time actually comes you just can’t be bothered? This was me this week when it came to Yoga. And I felt so bad because I had written it in my blog!!!! The first thing I said was – I have to go, I’ve written in my blog that I’m going!!!
This was in fact the second week that I said I was starting back at Yoga and didn’t make it. The first week I was too tired. The second week, I was ….. err….. too tired again!!!!! The reason I’m too tired is because I’m not giving myself enough time to sleep so I barely scrape through the 6am start to the finishing line. So the thought of then donning on some lycra and carrying my yoga mat to a community centre three miles down the road versus a lovely large glass of Sauvignon with First Dates hotel (you don’t watch it?! You must!!) and a packet of Prawn Cocktail crisps wins. Every time.
I get so annoyed with myself when I say I’m going to do something and I don’t as it’s something I rarely do. The talking to I give myself in the middle of the night when I feel the crisps on my hips and my over active mind that really could’ve done with being Omnified by the yoga instructor is even more annoying. I often give myself a hard time – about so many things and I just can’t get out of that habit, I think I know why I do it, it’s just a matter of stopping!
Feel like I’m waffling a bit….
Anyway so I guess it’s a Sunday and if you’re religious in any way (I’m not) you could take this as my confession that I said I was going to do something and I didn’t. I’d apologise but I’m sure you are a forgiving bunch and anyway I’ve berated myself enough for it already. One of the main things i’ve learnt is I need to be a little bit more forgiving of myself!! We’re so hard on ourselves at times aren’t we.
So…. TOMORROW I’m going to Yoga ok!!!! And if I don’t go I (almost) promise not to be hard on myself (as I write that I know that’s not going to happen… but I’ll try). We could all try being a bit kinder and sympathetic to ourselves sometimes couldn’t we!
Happy Sunday xx
As I did a quick dash around the local supermarket last week I encountered two mums with two children in different aisles. The little ones were demanding sweets and the other a magazine. I want this magazine said the young girl with her brown hair tied up, looking longingly. No. Shouted mum. I need this said the two year old blonde boy pointing to some purposefully brightly coloured packets of sweets. Mum tells him loudly that he’s stressing her out. He starts to cry. Both mums look so fed up and really tired. I caught second mums eye and gave her a smile while making a joke that it’d be bed time soon. She looked grateful that she wasn’t being judged for her short fuse.
I continued with my mad dash picking up some reduced rocket and thought about that wanting. I want this. I need this. We see it all the time. And we’re also doing it all the time aren’t we? We’re doing exactly what we did as kids but on a far greater scale. We want. We demand. We want a new car. We need new clothes. With this we’re working all hours to pay for the new house, the extension, that holiday we need because….. .. we’re working so hard!
We’re designed to want. When I looked at the two kids and worse when I looked at the two stressed out women I thought. Enough. Something has to give. Why are we doing this to ourselves? Working ourself so hard just to get what we’ve been told we supposedly need. But how do we stop?
I’m not sure! It’s a hard habit to give up… being constantly on the go and having a life that revolves around want. It’s almost addictive. And then there’s guilt for daring to do nothing. Doing nothing is actually really good for us you know? It lets your mind wander, imagine and rest.
I’m hopeless at it. More than ever the last few years I’ve busied myself. So. I’m going to make a few changes… beginning with going to a yoga class because I don’t see myself having enough steel or determination to have an hour and a half away from life without some help!
It’s a start. Not sure I can change drastically from wanting but I’m going to try to be less about what I want and concentrate more on what I have!
Lots of love,
Happy Sunday xx