You’re simply inspirational

This week I found out that I’d inspired someone without knowing it. It made me smile inside and out and made me think about how we perhaps all inspire people in different ways by just being us.

On this occasion I was particularly taken aback because the said person was my counsellor.  I’ve dipped in and out of counselling since I lost Tes and I’m probably coming to the end of this last stint because I’m feeling well again.  I actually enjoy going now.  The tiny yellow room with mint green sofas and trees waving outside the large window with the well used tissue box on the table has become my comforting friend.

There was a time when I barely got through the door without sobbing.  There were times when I just didn’t know what to say.  There are times when I just talk and talk and it’s time up.  There are times when i’d make excuses and not go. 

More recently though I have learnt to enjoy the experience and look forward to sharing my feelings with a person removed from my every day life.  I can say anything! ! She won’t cry. She won’t judge. She won’t say that you need to be thankful for this and that or how lucky I’ve been in one way. She doesn’t tell me what to think or pretend it hasn’t happened. That’s why I go because she’s trained to deal with these events. Not like the rest of us just desperately trying to say the right thing  (which  by the way I’m ever grateful for you even trying).

I digress again! !

During my session this week. My counsellor says she’d like to share something with me. What?? I say eagerly. 

I’m on week 4 she says with a shy grin.

I gently clap my hands with excitement.

During our talks I’ve often referred to the fact I’ve taken up running amd a few weeks back she asked how I got into it, I told her about the couch to 5k programme.  And there you go. This woman who is helping me has in turn been inspired to do something for herself.  And I didn’t even know I’d done it.

So I’d like to also thank you who have inspired me, you might not know it but you have. You inspired me to blog.  You inspired me to go for that job.  You inspired me to look after myself better.  You inspired me to run.  You inspired me to be more patient.  You inspired me to bake.  You inspired me to take photographs. You inspired me to slow down (occasionally!). You inspired me to listen. You inspired me to make difficult decisions. You inspired me to be brave.  You inspired me to keep going.

And more. 

Thank you.

I’d like to remind you how you inspire others by just being you. Its worth remembering how we influence others by what we do, how we behave and who we are.

Talking of running.  Time to get up and face the rain and wind. I’m off for a run.

Happy Sunday xx

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Something new?

When’s the last time you tried something new? 

It’s fair to say I’m on the constant look out for anything that brings even a miniscule of serenity into my life and I’ve found recently that new things have brought a feeling of temporary calmness.

 Either that or I’m getting old, it could just be the latter.

 Some of this has been hobbies. Running being one. I’m no Zola Budd (Google it if you are younger than 30) although we have remarkably similar out of control hair and when I was a teen my mum also made me wear those elasticated tight fitting shorts that made me feel naked. Mine were red with a big white stripe on the side. No wonder I went through school single.

 I’ve also discovered gardening. I’m a bit hopeless. We’re talking lavender, chives, parsley, basil, some strawberries but my most proudest bit of gardening are my tomatoes!!! I actually have a cherry red tomato growing in my plastic greenhouse. It is true that I could have bought said cherry tomatoes from Tescos for 69p a punnet as I normally do but where’s the fun in that! The fun is in planting 30 tomato plants, watching at least ten grow from seed, thinking some were tomato plantS for a long time before a surprise sunflower popped out, going back to the real tomatoes, and shrieking when one appears in delight. I’m not briliant at watering or taking leaves off and feeding and things like that. However I still do have tomatoes so something is going right!

 Another new interest has been cooking. I’ve never had a huge interest in food, food was to be eaten when I was hungry and that was it. I don’t really enjoy eating out in fine restaurants, much rather a cheese board and (another) glass of sauvignon to the pomposity of poshness. However I’ve discovered basic cooking and baking. 

 This week I apparently made the nicest dish I’ve ever made according to my partner and my son also actually ate it!!! My guess is that it was up there with ‘best ever’ because mainly… it was chicken. I’m vegetarian so I guess real chicken pieces were always going to beat soya that has been battered to look like chicken pieces that taste absolute nothing like chicken pieces. Still, I was so pleased with myself as they happily ate the vegetable and chicken pie topped with golden filo pastry.

 And it’s not just hobbies, today we took a drive off to somewhere we’ve walked many a time and I said what about going up that mountain! We were totally unprepared but took a sharp left and risked the oppressive dark threatening clouds. For some reason just going somewhere different lifted my spirits and even better the rain just started to trickle as we got back in the car after the 2 hour hike.

 One last ‘new thing’ ……this morning I stepped outside my front door as I do many times a day and I just stopped and looked, just for 30 seconds and took in the view from my heavy red front door. I looked over at the pink and purple hanging baskets on the pub wall opposite, the iron fence leading towards the red telephone kiosk, the tip of the bench sitting on the glistening grass overlooking the lazy river. No car passed. I didn’t see one person. How many times do you look around for just 30 seconds and really take in your surroundings?

 I’m off now to eat my lemon cheesecake, another new recipe for me, but it’s really not very nice at all, honestly you’d hate it, you would, you just would not want a piece!!! 😉

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Running on empty?

What motivates you? I find the busier I am the better I feel generally.

The problem is when you’re feeling sluggish or down and fed up sometimes getting to work and back along with looking after your immediate responsibilities stretches your already limited fuel tank.

The last few weeks I’ve felt healthier and emotionally happier. I was thinking about what motivates me?

Emotionally I’m motivated by laughter and conversation. Proper conversation. My friend invited me for lunch and cooked the most wonderful blush red tomato, chilli and pepper soup this week. ‘Proper’ coffee bubbled on the side , the smell of freshly toasted bread hung in the air and blueberries waited for dessert. We only had an hour and sat by her wooden table and we talked and talked. Syria, Saudi Arabia, Stephen Fry, parenting, work, feminism and religion just some of the subjects squashed into that sixty minutes. I drove back to work happily feeling the heat of the chilli and the warmth of the friendship.

Outside of emotional health I’ve discovered running (again). I tried once last year but the dark nights eventually allowed me to excuse myself from trying. I’m back up to week 4 now, and feeling determined. It’s different this time.

The grey roads worn from the winters frost lay heavy under feet. The bitter wind strikes my hands and face while the rest of me hides under layers. I’m lucky as the countryside where I live is just amazing, The mountains dance under the light mist and grey blue skies. The towering trees stand still and the sun pushes through warming my bones, slightly.

I run a lot without music. I like to hear all around me. The beauty is there’s not a lot to hear. Rabbits dart in the fields, sheep look up at me without particular interest, I pass and say hello to one or two people and the occasional car slows down to wave as they pass my chugging steps.

I’m not fast, I’m not that fit yet, I’m not elegant. But importantly to me….I am motivated.

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