It’s been a bit of an odd week. Some disappointments. Some adjustments. Still no closer to knowing when my house is ready. Still no bed! The result was a tiny weep with mum as we drank an Americano at the park.
An arm around my shoulder from mum made it better. Then throughout the week I indulged in that love around me to pull myself out of feeling a bit sorry for myself.
The most thoughtful present from two young colleagues in work, a belated birthday present of a crafted work of my family. Made me cry again though! A family visit to watch my nephew play football. His proud face looking towards us after scoring a goal. A friend’s husband who ferries her over one evening so we can catch up over sauvignon (and the friend of course!). An apology that makes it all ok again. Watching the ladies tennis final cuddled up on the sofa while the rain drizzled. Meeting the older nephew after school and devouring his freshly made chocolate brownies. Then having an early tea with him and my son at the local Italian. A dash around the charity shop and finding a chunky mirror that I just ‘need.
So despite the low mood and the tears that started the week off there was so much else in it to make it good. It’s amazing writing it all down because sometimes you don’t see it all when things seem dark.
Happy Sunday everyone xxx
I’ve never really been one to be quiet. As a toddler I’d be organising who sat where at an imaginary tea party and as a teenager I’d march up to anyone who dared to be horrible to my little brother. Teachers included. Mouthy some may have said. Protective and learnt survival tactics l say.
When I took my A levels at 23 and the English literature lecturer asked if anyone would like to read a part… my hand was always first up. The young ones looked at me mostly with amusement and that look of ‘teachers pet’ as I got into the swings and throes of Pride and Prejudice.
This week I’ve noticed that lots of people think but don’t vocalise their thoughts. I was at a meeting where the majority of the room felt it wasn’t productive (ie a complete waste of time) but everyone got up and said thanks.
I said something. I couldn’t bare to see the waste of resources and time and not say anything. I had several emails and conversations with other attendees who were livid, angry, despondent.
Yet they said nothing.
Why is it so hard for so many to put their hand up, to ask a question, to give their opinion. Why do we sit quietly even if we know the answer? Why don’t we risk asking a question even when it’s really important to us?
I think a lot of people are scared, lack confidence or are too self critical to speak up.
Frightened to get the answer wrong.
Isn’t that worse than not saying anything at all?
Happy Sunday everyone xx
I was walking up a huge hill this week when my phone rang. Amazing really as phones do not ring in my village, signal is as scarce as someone who will admit to voting for UKIP. Anyway, the phone rang and as I got my breath back and panted terribly rudely down the phone I had a chat with my mate. During the conversation I was asked for my view on ripped jeans. Is it ok to still wear ripped jeans she says? Said friend is 10 years younger than me. Like everything, I gave it a lot of thought and said in my opinion for my age ripped jeans are ok as long as the rip is on the thigh and the rip is quite small, a big no no for me is ripped jeans at the knee. Purely personal of course, I just don’t like my 40yr old plus knees being on show like that!! We had a laugh about it. She said I should write a blog on it!!! I said I can’t do that – I can’t write a blog about ripped jeans?!
But here I am writing a blog about ripped jeans. More than that writing a blog about friendship, ripped jeans and the fact as women we still seem to be considering whether it’s ok to wear something or not?! I was a bit surprised at myself. Even though we joked about it, I realised that I had actually given quite a lot of consideration to the ripped jeans wearing debate much to my friends surprise as I relayed the pros and cons! She later text me to say she’d decided against said jeans, putting it down to an issue with, in her words , ‘fat poking through’.
So why as women are we still wondering if its ok to wear something or not! As International womens day fell this week on the 8th March women should at the very least be comfortable to wear what we like. So I’m going to try to give less attention to my slightly wrinkly knees and more attention to giving confidence to the body those knees belong to!
To finish, during a week to celebrate women I want to thank all of you women and all of you people out there that love and celebrate us women. Thanks for catching up over lunch, a phone call, a message, your hugs, kisses and love. Thanks for being in my life and helping it to be, incredibly, a beautiful place.
Quite possibly this is the hardest blog/article I’ve ever written.
It’s with a heavy heart that I’ve decided this is my last blog for Dear Ms.
Life has taken a curve and it feels this is the right time for me to stop.
I want to say a MASSIVE thank you to the following people.
To everyone who commented and liked and believed, you won’t know how it felt to put my life out there only for strangers and friends to give it love and support.
To those that ENCOURAGED me to write and even to those that were criticial because both lots gave me confidence to be me.
I want to send love and thanks to new friends that I have only met through blogging on facebook and wordpress.
I’d like to give hugs and affection to people that have messsaged me privately in despair and anguish hoping for some insight. I don’t think I always gave you what you needed but I spoke from the heart and with integrity. I hope your paths are more optomistic and encouraging. Message me anytime.
Lastly I’d like to …. I don’t know where to get the words from inside…. But I’d like to say to those that have found themselves in the same unbearable boat as me….. I want to say thank you for sharing and you are the only people that will ever understand what it’s like to lose part of your future. You’re the only people that know how hard it is to wake up every day and face the battle. On Friday night as I wept a little, someone said nobody sees this side of you, it’s not hidden but the truth is grief isn’t popular!
To end I’d like to say what I would’ve written about this week. I spoke to a GP in work who was suffering from a cold. Take some echinecea I said (it’s a herbal remedy) and he shook his head. I take echinecea as soon as I get wind of a cold and it never then turns into a cold. He’s a GP and what he knows is conventional medicine. Despite feeling ill and getting numerous colds he’d rather shake his head and not entertain something that he does not know.
What I say is – don’t turn your back on what you don’t know. Don’t judge something that you do not know. Take a chance. Take a risk. Love constantly. Be yourself. Stand up for what you believe. Don’t always strive to be popular – be you. Be passionate. Most of all BE YOU. Be kind but don’t compromise who you are. Be a good example. Learn. Care for.
Thank you so much. I’m indebted to those that have supported me to be myself without judging me and I will honestly love you always! Please keep in touch xx
Have a fantastic Sunday. A fantastic Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. FOREVER.
Much love always.