Happy Christmas!! 

A short one today. Firstly whatever your religious persuasion.  Merry Christmas! I’m not religious. At all. For me Christmas means one thing… a time when people get together that little bit more often. Work colleagues gather. We all don hats and a dash of tinsel. Friends that haven’t been seen in too long visit and families give time for walks and games.  Communities gather and we keep an eye out for those that might not be so fortunate.

To finish, going forward I’m going to try  (hey don’t forget I’m not perfect I’ll slip up!!) … anyway I’m going to try and be a bit more vocal about what’s good about people around me and how they make me feel. I’ve had two or three cards this year from colleagues and friends that went that extra mile to say what I meant to them and I was so overwhelmed  at their kind words.  So I’m going to try better about being vocally kind! And I’ll start with you…. Thank you so much, particularly to those who’ve commented and messaged and to those that read in silence. It’s hard to put into words the depth of gratitude I have for you allowing and encouraging me to write. 

Lastly today will be one of sadness and an exacerbation of a void for some, I know for me my heart hurts that little bit more today as I visit Tes in a place I never thought I would. Love and hugs to all of you. Be kind to yourself. As I said to a very brave woman yesterday this getting older lark … And life itself…..certainly brings with it trials and the occasional mountain to climb, the thing is to make those bits in between the best you can. 

Lots of love to you all.
Happy Sunday, Happy Christmas Day xx 

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What happened to skipping??

I drove to work the other day. The weather was bleak, the fault light had come on my car. Again. It was misty, visibility was poor. I’d been up for two hours, tired already I begin the hour drive to work. 

Coming into the next village I slow down as a family cross in front of me. Holding hands with her mum is a blonde girl in a chequered dress of about 8, skipping. I thought to myself…. What happened to skipping? I thought to myself, when did I stop skipping? When did WE stop skipping?! 

As I do ……I give that a lot more thought as I drive on. What stopped the skipping? If I skipped to work now people would think I was a bit crazy. I’d feel so self conscious. What happened?

Why do we lose that freedom to express the joy we feel? When did we somehow learn that we shouldn’t express that we’re having a great day. When did it become un cool to shout out and express wildly……I’m happy!!

If you look back at a conversation you’ve had recently with a few friends I’m sure like me you’ll notice it’s far easier to complain than to talk about how great you’re life is today. It’s much easier to moan about work than say you love it, it’s far easier to pick holes in your partner than say how wonderful they are. 

As I drive on, Mariah Carey came on the radio singing her song… …. I went from sleepy to singy as I join in crooning that…. All I want for Christmas is you. With that although I couldn’t physically skip …..I smile and dance in my seat and sing out loud, not caring who’s watching and guess what, it made me happier.  
So thank you skipping girl for reminding me that there’s definitely a need to fill my life with more skipping, maybe in yours too?

Happy Sunday everyone xxxx

Shut up?!

I was reading an article about a woman who writes a popular blog yesterday. She talked about the fact it came with the territory that because she writes publicly she’s also abused and ridiculed on occasion. Shame isn’t it? No wonder so many people say to me they wish they could write but they feel they can’t. Of course they could. 

Everyone has something to say but the problem is … can you get over the difficulties.  Are you prepared for someone to throw a comment back at you that you wrote 6 years  ago!?  I am. But it can be difficult.  

Write about being a positive person… .. then dare to feel down for a few minutes and you may well get someone questioning you about it! I tend to respond with. .. I’m human!! Just like you!

Anyway the point is this kind of attack is designed to take our voice away. Particularly women’s voices. How many fear to voice an opinion on Facebook or Twitter or even real life because you could be ridiculed or you feel a thousand eye rolls ? How many want to write but can’t because they think they’re not good enough.  How many are worried of the reaction from others?
I say be comfortable in your skin and confident about what you have to say.


Say it. 
Write about it. 
Talk it!
Particularly women. Women need to.. not shut up!

 

If you write a blog about parenting and it’s joys it doesn’t mean you won’t feel like locking yourself in your bathroom for 4 days because you just want some peace! if you’re passionate about being healthy and then find yourself tempted by a cream horn (oo remember them – are they still going?) ….then that’s because you’re human!

I’m not sure if this makes sense but I’m more aware and have experienced the lows and fortunately the highs of writing or voicing  an opinion.  I suppose what I’m saying is I’d like to try and encourage you to have yours. 
Stand up and be proud of what you’ve got to say.  You’ll never be remembered for being quiet!!

Happy happy Sunday.  it’s lovely to be back properly xx

Bye bye X 

Quite possibly this is the hardest blog/article I’ve ever written.
It’s with a heavy heart that I’ve decided this is my last blog for Dear Ms.

 
Life has taken a curve and it feels this is the right time for me to stop.

 
I want to say a MASSIVE thank you to the following people.

 
To everyone who commented and liked and believed, you won’t know how it felt to put my life out there only for strangers and friends to give it love and support.

 
To those that ENCOURAGED me to write and even to those that were criticial because both lots gave me confidence to be me.
I want to send love and thanks to new friends that I have only met through blogging on facebook and wordpress.
I’d like to give hugs and affection to people that have messsaged me privately in despair and anguish hoping for some insight. I don’t think I always gave you what you needed but I spoke from the heart and with integrity. I hope your paths are more optomistic and encouraging. Message me anytime.

Lastly I’d like to …. I don’t know where to get the words from inside…. But I’d like to say to those that have found themselves in the same unbearable boat as me….. I want to say thank you for sharing and you are the only people that will ever understand what it’s like to lose part of your future. You’re the only people that know how hard it is to wake up every day and face the battle. On Friday night as I wept a little, someone said nobody sees this side of you, it’s not hidden but the truth is grief isn’t popular!

To end I’d like to say what I would’ve written about this week. I spoke to a GP in work who was suffering from a cold. Take some echinecea I said (it’s a herbal remedy) and he shook his head. I take echinecea as soon as I get wind of a cold and it never then turns into a cold. He’s a GP and what he knows is conventional medicine. Despite feeling ill and getting numerous colds he’d rather shake his head and not entertain something that he does not know.

 

What I say is – don’t turn your back on what you don’t know. Don’t judge something that you do not know. Take a chance. Take a risk. Love constantly. Be yourself. Stand up for what you believe. Don’t always strive to be popular – be you. Be passionate. Most of all BE YOU. Be kind but don’t compromise who you are. Be a good example. Learn. Care for.

 

Thank you so much. I’m indebted to those that have supported me to be myself without judging me and I will honestly love you always! Please keep in touch xx

 

Have a fantastic Sunday. A fantastic Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. FOREVER.

 

Much love always.

Dwysan xx

Be a whinge!?

 

So many things have happened this week it’s difficult to know where to start.

The single worst sentence I heard uttered was from Boris Johnson.  He asked us to stop whinging about Donald Trump.  Similar to what happened after Brexit, people were told to ‘just get on with it’. I do agree that voters shouldn’t be criticised personally, everyone has their opinion.  What I can’t put up with is being told not to whinge.

You see Boris, Donald Trump and his camp are sexist, homophobic and racist.  Trump refers to women as bimbos, dogs, pigs.  He thinks breastfeeding is disgusting.  He see’s women as pieces of art – something to look at.  His side-kick Pence wants to jail same-sex couples and he wants to take the money spent on HIV treatment and spend it on converting gay people miraculously back to being straight.  Donald also of course thinks that because he’s a star he can do anything to women, he doesn’t ‘even wait’.

Going back to Brexit.  Within 24hrs of the results Nigel Farage spoke live on TV and said it had been a ‘mistake’ to pledge 350 million pounds to the NHS during their campaign..  A mistake.

But we must not whinge.

If we did not whinge, women would still not have a vote.  If we did not whinge it would still be illegal to be gay.  If we did not whinge  poor children would still have to work at ten years old and not go to school.  If we did not whinge we would not have an NHS system, poor people would still have no access to decent healthcare.  If we did not whinge it would still be perfectly legal to hit your wife with a stick as long as it wasn’t thicker than your thumb (*rule of thumb*).

My belief is that we’re becoming more and more individual and less and less part of a community.  Take my village.  We don’t just care about people that we know in the village. We’re a community.  When I found an old guy lying in the street years ago, I didn’t think – oh well I don’t know him so I won’t bother doing anything.  When I found a mobile phone on the road a few months ago,  I don’t think about the fact I’ve no idea who it belongs to, I try to find its owner.  When I come across a couple that I don’t know looking for their dog I don’t dismiss them because I don’t know them.  Within the community boundaries we have an invisible duty of care to each other whether we know each other or not.

Why can’t we extend that to the next village, the next town, the next city, the next country?  We don’t have to know someone to care about them do we?

This week I faced an unusual situation.  I spent four days on a course with ten men.  I was rather intimidated!  However I embraced the situation and instead of sidling off at lunch time I joined them at the canteen table.  They were a bit uncomfortable at first but they came around.  We talked about where we’d been on holiday. I mentioned Brighton.  Full of gays said one.  Yeah, poofs said the other.  These weren’t horrible guys, I don’t even think they believed what they said.  It was macho.  The others laughed.  Some less than others.  I didn’t say anything.  I didn’t whinge.  I was cross with myself for it.  However I wanted to ‘fit in’ for those few days.  I was already battling with being called a ‘girl’ every five minutes and listening to the blokes being told to ‘watch their language in front of the lady’.  On day four, we talked about the environment.  I had an expensive bag once, said one guy.  I divorced her though.  Everyone laughed.  This time I didn’t stay quiet.  All I managed was, I’m sure she was very happy about that.  The others smirked.  One whispered to me, don’t take the bait, don’t bite he said.

Don’t whinge I guess he meant.

The thing is…..I’m a great believer in equality and fairness and I’m sorry Boris, Nigel and Donald while you’re still talking about grabbing women by the pussy, while you continue to say that women only go to University to find someone to marry and while you describe pregnant women in the workplace as a ‘disaster’…….I will whinge.

It’s called standing up for myself and standing up for others.

Happy Sunday everyone and happy whinging too!!

Lots of love X DWYS X

Be more sheep! 

Be more sheep! 

I was late again this week, despite the fact as usual I get up at six, 2 hours later I got in the car and I knew I’d be late for the course. Frustrated with myself I start the 30 mile journey and due to being late I encounter every single lollipop crossing on my way. This is just making me more late I’m thinking, Come on!

 
At one I end up waiting for what seems like twenty minutes but it was probably more like two. There’s nothing I can do but to accept it. I’m going to be late. Very late.

 
I look around. The lady in the fluorescent jacket with her stop sign has a cheery face with long blonde hair. I notice a young girl of about 9 walking towards her smiling, you could tell in that smile this lollipop lady was kind and funny. The 9 year old was looking forward to seeing her. On the other side a young boy of about 4 was about to melt my heart just because he looked ecstatically innocently happy, he skipped and grinned, his eyes lit up with everything he was hoping for that day, friends perhaps and toys and books and play. Behind him, his older brother, looking far less enthused and behind him was mum. She looked like me… …rushed, stressed, late.

 
It got me thinking about how we live. How the innocence of childhood grows into the frantic rush of adulthood. There’s no getting away from it for most of us. I can’t give up work or house or car and I’m certainly not giving up my dog or my son!!! I have responsibilities but I think that I need to slow down sometimes, take back the innocence of the four year old, run and laugh and savour rather than rush and frown and ignore. As we get older we absorb so many difficulties but we also are absorbing love and kindness and fun that sometimes gets trampled on …leading to fewer smiles and more frowns. I’m sitting here wondering how do I get it back? How to be that young person skipping down the road not worrying about my car or my job or money or health or time etc etc.

 
Worrying and stress is part of life but it shouldn’t be life itself.

 

On the same day I went for a walk and I saw a field of sheep. One sheep was running around and then hopping and trying to get the other sheep to play and then running again. I’d never seen a sheep behave like that before! It reminded me of the young boy earlier.

 
And there’s my blog this week, the realisation as we get older we may be less free but if we decided to we could be more like that sheep, living with what we’ve got but making the most of it.

 

Let’s all be more sheep!

 

Happy Sunday X X

Moments that mesmerise

If you follow me on Facebook you won’t have missed that I’ve had a WEEK off work and immersed myself in the beauty of Brighton for most of it. My first magnificent experience. I was asked to describe it in three words. Liberal, free and sexy!
Normally I drive everywhere but this time I took a train. A few trains really and I soaked in what was around me. It was fab to relax to watch a film (as an aside if you haven’t seen Spotlight then you must) ….and to watch the world literally whizz by. 

So much to see on our journey ….pigeons darting over the heads of busy commuters. A bearded man squeezing himself on to the tube with a massive cello. A smart dreadlocked guy in a beige suit looking frustrated. An obvious crowd waiting for the Brighton train, blue hair, shaved heads, piercings, skinny jeans. An annoying woman on a train who insisted on teaching her 4 and 6 year kids about conjecture adjectives ?? It’s half term I wanted to shout! A couple of guys speaking Welsh and of course drinking Grolsch. A woman who sat next to a stranger and proceeded to chat with him for the whole journey, I wondered in my day dreaming mind that they might hit off but he spoke about his wife. A lot. A young couple with two phones each on the go and a laptop, each. They didn’t talk to each other. The man caught me looking at his house plans. A woman asleep on the underground, standing up. A family of Americans elated at getting the right tube train. 
I get to Brighton and I’m literally in paradise from the moment I step off the train. In the four days I was there every single person I met was friendly! Everyone! 
What did I see? 
Two older guys walking down a narrow street with their arms wrapped around each other. An American offering a homeless man biscuits, he looked at her quizzically. Women kissing at bars, not worried. A man caught stealing a sandwich. A road bike that missed my nose by millimetres when it stupidly overtook some still traffic. A woman with pig tails skating on the prom. A bearded man sleeping in a bus stop. A bloke taking a break from his bike ride, smoking a joint looking out to sea. People smoking weed. A lot. Colourful beautiful graffiti. Everywhere. The Royal pavilion, picturesque. A church garden with gravestones but also a park where people sit. A woman wearing flowers on top of her head, shorts and mid length stockings. A red sky highlighting the fallen pier. Vegan restaurants. Lots of them. Short fringes. Children screaming on fair ground rides. Half a caravan used as a bar. A bath used as a seat in a cafe. A restaurant with wall to wall records for you to choose and play. A beautiful heavily tattooed blonde woman. Views of the sky blue fluffy sea overlooked by chalk white cliffs. An afternoon glass of Sauvignon blanc at a bar with a piano. An organic cafe with the best  victoria sponge . Much loved chats and time with my boy. Hugs from my younger ‘by 20 yrs but towering over me brother’ and his beautiful partner. Walks overlooking the marina. A ride on a Raleigh bike to an 18th century corn mill. A sausage dog in a bag. 
I could go on. 
It’s been a wonderful week, exploring new places, resting from work and resting my mind.

 I hope you had a fab week and don’t mind me sharing mine with you. I felt so fortunate I had to share.

 
Lots of love, happy Sunday X