Newborn.

I talked last week about embracing new experiences.  I embraced one yesterday that I’ve avoided since losing Tes. It appears small perhaps but to me it was massive.

Since I lost her I avoid certain things. They’re mostly because they invoke such a huge sense of loss deep inside I actively  avoid the experience.  

As I drive back from Manchester yesterday listening to my play list a song I normally skip came on. Newborn by Muse. As my finger hovered over the forward  button I took a deep breath and allowed myself to listen.  Preparing myself for tears and sadness as I wait at the busy traffic light, rain hitting the wipers working hard to keep visibility. 

This song is one I danced with my two for many years when they were very young. We started off by crouching down as the piano music begins gently, it’s almost inaudible. It grows in strength over a long period and as it did so the three of us would pretend we were the roots of trees and slowly we’d unfold ourselves as the music became louder and louder until we were the tallest trees we could be. Then. There’s a short pause and guitars blast as the song takes a new route and at this point we would jump high into the air and for the remaining minutes would dance and run around the rectangular wooden kitchen table giggling and laughing until we were out of breath.  

The traffic light suddenly changes to green and everyone in Manchester seems to be in the biggest rush to get to the next set of lights. I keep listening to the song and relive those magical times where I remember smiles, laughter and fun so vividly, through the music.

Maybe I had to wait almost 4 years to be able to do it. I’m so glad that I’ve started to embrace experiences that I’d have otherwise avoided because although tinged with  sadness and that place Tes lives in my heart ached a little more. It was worth it to relive one very precious and alive moment of her childhood.

Thanks for letting me share a few minutes from my week.  
Hope you’ve managed to embrace some new experiences this week. Big or small.
Lots of love.

Happy Sunday xxx 

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