It’s strange how life can be full of little coincidences.
I was thinking this week about something mum used to say. I believe it comes about for those of us that perhaps ‘achieved’ a bit later in life. Like my mum, I left school with barely any exams passed (I could sew a great skirt and jacket though!!) and later on went back to do A-levels, a degree etc. There’s something about doing things that way around that can leave you feeling like…..a bit of a fraud.
Mum said to me when she was in one job that she thought one day she’d be ‘found out’. What do you mean? I said! Well – that they might find out that I actually can’t do my job, she said. I found this really bizarre. Mum was amazing at her job. Brilliant in fact. Yet she doubted herself.
Then weirdly this week I was listening to the radio and they played a theme tune, I tried hard to remember it, I knew it was something to do with animals! They confirmed it was Peter Davidson from All Creatures Great & Small!! Bizarrely as he was talking about his life (somehow I’d zoned into radio 2 this day!!) he was saying as an actor he always thought he’d be ‘found out’. Despite being an actor for 40 years he was still waiting to be ‘found out’……That he wasn’t good enough.
I wondered whether perhaps a lot of us feel like that? And why?
I always try to learn from those around me and I’ve tried hard not to feel like a fraud and have confidence in my work but there’s one or two areas that I do this. Lately I’ve noticed that I’m always putting myself down about my running! Even now I want to type… I’m not a good runner.
I wouldn’t run with anyone for years because I thought I’d be too rubbish. Consequently because I didn’t like running on my own I didn’t run for years. Even now I’ll ask if anyone wants to come running with me but I’ll always say ‘I’m very slow so no need to wait for me’. Or I’ll tell them I’m a bit old for running really or that I’m hopeless because I don’t run as much as I should or that I don’t run very far etc etc etc!!! At the Llyn Alwen race a couple of weeks ago I was busily muttering to myself about all of this and I suddenly said – why do I keep putting myself down about this?!! A woman shouted at me from behind and told me off – you’re here she said. You’re doing it, you’re out of bed and you’re here. That’s nothing to put yourself down about, she said.
And she’s right!
So from now on I’ll be making a conscious effort to stop telling myself and everyone else that I’m not that good at something. It’s hard because being Welsh and being British we’re so used to being a little self damaging aren’t we! I’m a bit rubbish at that, I’m not good at this….. I’m not sure I’m going to start shouting how good I am at everything but I might just tell myself that I’m not doing a bad job… hang on let me try that again….. that I’m doing a good job in getting my trainers on in the first place, that my body isn’t too bad (argh done it again) – that my body is doing a great job as I’m here fit and healthy and basically….. I need to be a lot less self critical!
Do you put yourself down?
Perhaps it’s about time you stopped!
Have confidence in the fabulous person you are!!
Happy happy Sunday everyone X