What if?

Where to start this week. On Tuesday I came home to learn that a popular and kind young local man, also a friend to both of my children and myself, tragically  died in a car crash.  I grabbed a chair to support my legs as the news seeped in.  I’d only seen him on Sunday and in a second he was gone.

It’s a terrible terrible feeling to think of someone we know now treading the same path as we do.  For families  who’ve lost their child.. it feels like a secret club because there are no words that express the loss or to express what has to go on to make you get up ever day.

Not a particularly positive blog this week. How can it be in the face of such rawness?

The only small glimpse of brightness I could take was to recount the conversation I had with him on Sunday.  I was busy and I walked past but I realised it was him getting out of his car.  He was in a rush too but we both stopped what we were doing and had a chat.  I’m so glad we did.

Life is full of what ifs and last moments.  You can’t live your life making sure every moment is a good one or making it special just incase. However I’ve learnt that it can take effort and it takes slowing down and listening and seeing to make those moments a bit sweeter. 

I’ve learnt to be myself and let things go because they make me unhappy so I have more time for what makes me happy.  I’ve learnt that I have to say yes when sometimes my heart says no ensuring others aren’t stifled by my worries. I understand I can’t be everything to everyone no matter how hard I try, freeing my time . I’ve learnt to slow down a teeny bit …to appreciate the small moments.  

I ran with my pooch this week and tried to catch the ball in her mouth. She darted around and I ran after her in the sunshine. I giggled out loud as I failed to keep up with her.   I felt like a kid.  It was a moment.

Like that one, life is a collection of moments that are happening now.  It’s what we have that eventually make up our life. People often wait for their life to start or for money or the right time. 

Now is the right time.

Love to you all on this Sunday and special thoughts to Trystans family and friends. I’m glad to have been fortunate enough to have had some memories and moments with him that I’ll forever cherish.  The last being his cheeky smile.

Xxx

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