Dear Tes,

It’s the week that should’ve included your 18th birthday. I found it tough. I kept thinking I should be buying gifts, taking my girl shopping, blowing up balloons, putting up some bunting, teasing you about my ‘surprise’ gift. What I’m left with is a posy of flowers to sit in a place where I get to think of you.

I try to guess what you’d have worn.  You weren’t overly dressy but…. well this is it really… all I have are guesses and the guesses become bigger as 3 years have passed… I have guesses, thoughts and dreams. 

Fuck.

All I can do is guess.

Along with the party and the drinks and the dresses and the disco lights and the music I wondered what advice I’d be giving you… my vibrant, beautiful, articulate, passionate daughter.

If I could, I’d tell you these 18 bits of life rules that I’ve learnt over the years, many of them passed to me by my mum x

1. Try new things
2. Go with your instinct
3. Be around people who make you laugh
4. Love is about compromise, on both sides
5. Be kind to others and yourself
6. Challenge yourself
7. Never believe the words .. I can’t
8. Have courage to say no
9. Stand up for others
10. Read
11. Listen
12. Dream but also do
13. Have pets!
14. Cherish those who really love you
15. Eat healthy food and exercise!
16. Ask for help if you need it
17. Don’t expect people to be mind readers
18. Visit your mum. Often!

It’s all a bit bloody weird.  I hate you not being here but I love your birthday because it’s one of two dates that makes me feel on top of the world. I’m blessed to have two amazing children and though yours was much shorter than I’d imagined it was a stunning life. You were a stunning young woman. I can’t say Happy Birthday but I will say I love you sweetheart as much as I did when I first met you 18 years ago.

I miss you so much xxxx Mum xxxx

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3 thoughts on “Dear Tes,

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