The self-love diet, day 5. Change my critical thought pattern.

Today’s challenge arrived at 12.06am!  Fortunately I’d just got to sleep before then or I’d probably have been awake thinking about what I was going to write.

Ok.  Im going to do this challenge quickly so that the first thing I think of is what I  write.  There are 5 steps.

 1: Catch the thought

Easy.

Guilt.

I feel guilty for writing this and not spending time with my son. That is despite the fact I have been up since 6.25am, walked the dog 3 times, been out at work for 10 hours, made us a nice dinner upon my return, chatted with him about his day, helped him with some computer stuff, let him watch his favourite show, washed and ironed some of his clothes, booked him a haircut, sorted out his new phone, made him a gooey chocolate pudding with his favourite ice cream, brushed up and cleaned our house.  But yes, I feel guilty.  This also is despite the fact he is happily sitting 2 metres away from me, playing on his laptop while watching TV.  Guilt – I am always feeling guilty!  That’s the thought.

2: Confront the thought

As above really.  I think that’s enough confrontation about a five letter word.

3: Replace the thought

Argh.

This is difficult.

Ok.

I do not feel guilty.

But I do.

Ok I will try harder.  I am replacing the thought with the fact that I love to write, I’m enjoying this challenge, my son is perfectly happy and that I should stop feeling guilty.  About everything.

4: Apologize to myself

Sorry.  I will try harder.

5: Commit to change

As above. I will try harder.  As I type that I feel like a bit of a liar because guilt is something I’ve felt since I was about thirty.   My step father once told me many years ago he had never met someone who carried around such a weight of guilt.  I always tried harder after that.  I try harder ro believe I have the right to have my own space, make decisions, be me.  Sometimes I manage it quite well.  Tonight I haven’t but I commit to change!!! I do. Honestly. Yes.  I do! I do! I do!

improve

 

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