i was asked today where I’ve been and was I going to write again soon?I’ve missed your writing was the message. I replied I hadn’t felt up to it. I replied I’d written a few drafts but hadn’t wanted to post them. I just hadn’t been up to it.
Just a few lines persuaded me to put something down and answer the question, where have I been? Where have I been this last couple of months?
I’ve been down, anxious, frustrated, annoyed. I’ve been wishing I could have a normal life back. I’ve been wishing that when I wake up every day it didn’t take some almighty strength to face the day. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself. I’ve been crying. I’ve not felt like going out. I’ve been to the doctor, I’ve cried on the phone to the doctor. I’ve been worried about things I didn’t know anyone could worry about. I’ve been a mum who has cried and a partner who has just complained. I’ve been quite crappy really.
And that’s why I didn’t write.
As I write those things down though, I have to remind myself what I’ve also been. I’ve been happy, I’ve stuck to my new running regime. I’ve discovered cooking new healthy foods. I’ve been a supportive friend and have supportive friends, I’ve been at work and taken on new responsibilities. I’ve been a busy mum and loving partner. I’ve been out to a spa, met up with friends and had dinner out. I realised I needed help and saw my counsellor again. I’ve been taking photos and enjoyed walks on the beach. I have got up every day and I have faced the world.
So I’ve been struggling I guess but I’ve also been fighting with a smile and that is where I’ve been and that is where I am.
Thanks for missing me and for making me remind myself that where I’ve been might be actually worth writing about x