Saying goodbye, is it age that makes it harder to believe or understand? With age comes wisdom apparently but getting older seems to sometimes get that bit harder. I hate saying a final goodbye to anyone. Yet again our family has lost someone much too young to have left this world and I end up trying to make sense of it. Over and over it goes.
Today I was told that on the day we lost Tes one piece of advice was to never try to make sense of it because you can’t and that in itself made an enormous amount of sense to me. It almost quietened my thoughts, one of those ahhh moments.
Ah. It’s not going to make sense.
I followed a lamb with my gaze today. It’s mum moved and the lamb moved. The mum moved faster, the lamb moved faster still. We’re like that, our family. One moves, we all move. One cries, we all cry. One grieves, we all grieve. One loses and we are all lost. Yet we will, like so many, stand again and have to get up tomorrow and although we can’t, we will try to make sense of it because that’s what we do.
I thought if you did good, you ate well, you kept healthy, you were a good person, good things came to you. That’s my chapel upbringing for you! Life isn’t like that though, it’s full of ups and downs and twists and turns and happiness and sadness. You don’t get what you put in. Karma doesn’t exist. Life is an explosive mixture of good and bad, happiness and sadness. That’s the sense of it. It’s life and we aren’t in control of it, we just live it.
So another star brightens the sky tonight and I sit with a heavy heart wishing it was not so, feeling quite sorry for our family and I’m going to allow myself a bit of self pity. Life hasn’t been how I thought it was going to be and there’s the biggest lesson of all.
I say it always, take one day at a time and live it the most honest way you can. Be it a day for tears or a day for smiles. Don’t try to make sense of it. Just live it.