Hia beautiful. It’s been a while. You get to the point that it’s difficult to find new ways of writing when grief drowns your reality at times.
I’ve never written about the toughest times because it’s not for me. It’s not helpful to me. I don’t like to dwell on the darkness.
So I’m writing to you now and about your wall. Your bits and pieces. I decided to take the posters down in your room. I’d been thinking about it because it seemed old and stayed and still and unlived. It was hard but one day I walked in and your Harry Potter poster had flung itself off the wall onto your bed. OK Tes I got the hint. Get on with it mum.
People may think it’s tough but I love being around your things and I’d decided I was going to save all my favourite bits and pieces in a big frame so I could have it always.
I love the fact that most of it meant something and took me back to such happy times.
Of course your wall was Harry Potter dominated! Harry pics. Hermione pics. Harry potters world entrance ticket. That was such a good day we had. Dr Who. All time low and You me at six amongst your favourite bands are in there. Your dad’s wedding day where you looked such a beautiful bridesmaid. Both your brothers feature with wide smiles. Best friend pics from happy places. Some things surprised me. The cut out from your great nannas funeral handout being one.
There were lots of funny stuff. Pictures from one of our favourite films Shaun of the dead. We’d watch it over and over together! Liverpool football club and Stevie G make an appearance as do the Simpson and your favourite online shopping stores. The twitter icon proudly cut out. You always loved to tweet. I’ve still no real handle on it but one of my favourites is when you tweeted ‘mum says she loves wine more than food so she’s going to stop eating’!
Another cut out was simply the word Christmas. We loved Christmas didn’t we Tes just soaked all the cheesyness up and went santa and glitter mad. I loved loved loved filling your stocking and seeing your face coming down the stairs in your onesie. Right up to the last one, we soaked up Christmas.
The last picture I put in the frame from your wall was the quote I carry with me every day…. ‘make every day beautiful’.
The day will never be as beautuful as the day you were in it Tes. We will hang on to your memories and the bits and pieces that will never leave us. Ever.
Love you sweetheart.