The journey.

To J,

Looking back when I first met you, on the outside I seemed ok. I sat in the yellow room on the navy blue chair nervously.  Hair done. Lip gloss applied.  Eye-liner in place.  On the outside I was coping. Looking back now all I see on the inside is broken glass.  Thousands of pieces of broken me held up by my outer being.

Today I decided it was the last time I’d see you. My counsellor.  I decided I now need to walk the rest of my journey without you. It was emotional for us both. You shared with me after some time you had a daughter slightly younger, your supervisor had said you could tell me. It only helped me connect with you. Your honesty and sometimes your own vulnerability at the thought of being in my shoes.

I told you today that I will forever be thankful. You told me things that have helped me enormously.  When I feared I’d not feel Tes anymore you told me that the love I had for her would never go and that comforted me so much because now I feel the part of my heart that will always belong to her.

I told you I had changed in some ways. Softened. I drive slower. I get less hung up on what’s unimportant but mostly I’ve learnt to always try to be kind to others and also importantly to be kind to myself.

Thank you for helping me on my journey to not only seem ok on the outside but also for beginning the building of those pieces back together.

As we said today the journey continues and I will remain forever thankful for your part of helping me on my way with a life that has changed. A life forever affected by the loss of a beautiful girl. However a life it is and one to be cherished every day.

X

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